was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
