if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize