it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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