dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
