I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize