I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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