I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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