So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think a kid would responsible me up
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
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