i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
