Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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