He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize