Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
