I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The Olympian is in my bed
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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