I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
