if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
