dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
