My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
