Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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