hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
dude. I can hear the air.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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