I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize