New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
