all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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