plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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