hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
