So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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