I think I just saw someone hide a body.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
