so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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