In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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