I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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