I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
