i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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