I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
