Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
PANTIES FOUND
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