i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
