Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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