Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
