I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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