I just made out with a guy for $7.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
