In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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