He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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