man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
