Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
