she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
