Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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