You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize