Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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