Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
