And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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