I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize