Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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