Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
