Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize