I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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