There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
