You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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