He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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