i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
