that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize