the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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