I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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