It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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