im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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