allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
