my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
