they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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