I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
