I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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