Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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