i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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