i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
