Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm drive I can fine osifer
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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