hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
